Dawn at Midnight.

Book 3: Rise from ashes. Chapter 2: Stork’s Visit


I tried to make my days around my “Optics Notebook” and my unborn fawn. I was happy to enjoy the new lease of life, same time I lamented on my doomed fate. Every moment I used to visualize his eyes after he came to knew about my marriage, my child and my doomed fate. I use to cry during night and tried to reach out for him, however every time I tried to touch him; he used to step back and vanish away in the dark night. I use to lament on my fate for most of the nights. I queried myself “Should I go for him? I must meet him and ask him what my fault was.” My soul writhed with the thought that after he heard of my sacrament he also would have stepped forward in his life and leading a peaceful life. Although we both knew that it was not fault of ours, yet I wanted to meet him for once. Nevertheless, it dawned in my soul that I have no right to create unwanted ripples in his peaceful abode.

I was unable to save much of my money while I was in Dhanbad. Most of my earnings were spend on my daily needs and household works. I did not want to lose my self-esteem; I did not want to ask for money from my brothers so I had to rely on my fixed deposits. I had to have some constant source of income. I wanted to pursue my career as I knew that all what I had, would wean away someday. I thought to strike chord, my old peers, and my college friends. I was very skeptical at the beginning that how to approach my friends, Teesta and Delisha. It was I, who never contacted them. I had to gather up myself to rekindle those old relationships. I lost Teesta’s contact number only I had the direction and address of hers.

One day I asked Dushtu---“Will you do a favour for me?”

He was very eager to help me out---“Sure, Paree auntie. What is that?”

I gave him the address of Teesta and asked him to visit her house. I waited anxiously for the whole day as what news he would bring.

In the evening, he entered in my room with a sullen face. I was worried on seeing his face.

I asked him---“What happened?”

---“Your friend does not live at the address any more. She is married now.”

I gave a helpless look at him and asked him---“Did you ask her parents about her?”

He nodded his head “Yes”.

---“Then, did they gave you her address and contact number?”

He gave a naughty look at me---“Why don’t you ask her number to her?”

I was very much surprised on hearing---“You naughty boy. Give me her number.”

Teesta entered the room, I felt as if I was in seventh heaven on seeing her face. She nodded her head in veiled anger at me.

---“You forgot us.”

My eyes were filled up with tears. I mumbled---“I was not is a state to call anyone.”

She came and sat beside me---“The moment I saw your nephew at my doorstep, my heart skipped. I lost my words when he told me about you. I could not wait for Debu so I came alone with him.”

I threw my arms around her and broke down.

---“How all these happened?”

Maithili was standing at the door, she answered---“That’s a long story and that is past. You are going to stay for few days?”

She nodded her head “Yes”.

I gave a sweet smile at Teesta---“So how is Debu? Glad to see that you both are together.”

She gave a coy look at me and said---“All due to you. But one thing that is pestering me is….”

I fathomed as what was the query that was pestering her “Why I am not sullen even after the demise of y husband?” Teesta was unaware of all the facts that happened with me.

---“Take rest, later on I will tell you everything.”

She gave a queer look at me---“How come you knew that what I was to ask?”

I answered---“Your face was saying all those, dear.”

I asked her about them, Debobroto and her marriage and their life. Their love bore the fruit on two years after my marriage. She tried to contact me and send me the marriage invitation card, but somehow I did not receive that. The address was wrong. She did not pursue her career and she was a homemaker then. Debobroto worked as physics teacher in a college in Howrah. They lived in Ballygaunge Phari, Debobroto house. I requested her that I want a job. She assured me that she would talk to Debobroto regarding that.

After dinner, Teesta and I were alone in my room.

She asked me---“Everything is a mystery to me, Mita. I am unable to come in terms as how all these happened with you.”

I looked deep into her eyes and said---“For my friends, it is Paree.”

She gave a queer look and asked---“What?”

I nodded my head---“Mita and Suchi, both are past, Teesta. It is Paree standing in front of you. I want to forget those old days and what all happened to me.”

I narrated my coarse days of last four years. Most of the time, I choked and kept me curse my doomed fate.

She asked me---“Why were you not happy with marriage? What was the reason? Do you love someone else?”

I let out a deep exhale out, I felt somewhat lighter after sharing my tears with her.

---“I was in love. I loved him madly.”

---“And….”

---“He had to go. Our fate, we had to part.”

She was surprised---“He ditched you?”

“No” it brought tears in my eyes “He loved me more than anything else in this world. He never ditched me. His mother, my ChotoMa asked him to leave the house. He went away so that I could pursue my career and studies.”

---“He did not have the courage to fight back? What type of person was he?”

---“He wrote me letters. I never received those. He came back for me. He called after returning to India, but by that time, I was married off to Himadri. My life was finished by then. His invisible words still haunts me.”

---“Why did you marry when you loved someone else?”

---“I waited for him. He told me that he would contact me. However, with each passing day, my faith started to diminish, as I received no news from him. My soul started to wean off and I had to bow in pressure.”

My voice choked while narrating my story, to her. I visualized that he was standing at the door and smiling at me. I looked at the door, the curtain fluttered. It reminded me of the second night of Maithili’s marriage. He hid behind the curtain to look into the room and as I went towards the door, he ran to the roof. I smiled, as those colourful thoughts stormed in my mind.

For the whole night, we talked and talked. I felt living my old life once again.

Debobroto arrived next morning at our house. He was offended on hearing everything from Teesta. He asked me as why I kept silent for all those years. I was at loss of words for making some excuse.

He asked me---“So that letter, you once gave me, was for him.”

---“No, it was not for him. It was for his friend. I thought that it would bring some news. I called his friend and I got the news of him. He said that he would contact me, which never came. When his news came, it was too late for me to look back.”

He asked me---“What is deterring you now?”

I cursed myself---“Debu, now it is too late. He called me three years back. He left no information about his whereabouts after hearing that I was then someone else wife.”

---“But, you are still in love with him.”

I took a deep breath and nodded my head---“Yes. More than anything else. However, it was three years back. I do not know where he is or even how is he. I do not know whether he has married someone or not. If he has, then I have no right to meddle in his peace.”

I expressed my eagerness to live my life of my own and do a job. He said that he would help me. He also informed me that, to get into a college would be tough, as I had to sit for NET. For getting a job as a schoolteacher, I would have to clear SSC exams. I answered that I would prepare myself for those.



I used to walk alone on the roof, look up into the summer sky. The summer winds played harsh on my mind and soul. I stood at one corner on the roof and looked below. That was the place, from where he stalked me, on the first day we met. I laughed at myself; I knew he was standing on the roof looking at me while I was talking to my friends in the courtyard. I observed him that day with the corner of my eyes that he was sipping a cup of coffee and looking at me. I never told him that I fascinated him from the moment I saw him stalking at me like that.



During evening, I walked to the backyard near the mango tree. I looked up and found it was full of ripe mangoes. I used to take a deep breath to fill my lungs with the aroma of ripe mangoes. I felt that he was near me, watching me from somewhere.



Months passed by. With each passing day, my fawn was growing inside me. I felt those sweet ripples and turns. I felt those small kicks on the inner walls of my womb. I felt my life was coming to a full circle as a mother, but somehow that circle was not complete as a woman. There was a gap, because I lost my love, my heart. During USG, I was shown the heartbeat of my tiny fawn. I cried when I saw that tiny beating heart inside me. The three-d report even showed the face of my little angel. I was very happy and I was in tears on seeing those closed eyes, tiny nose and little fingers.



Once I asked my doctor---“My son or daughter?”

She smiled at me and asked---“Few months are left; all queries will be answered, dear.”

I had to confront the toughest question of my life then.

---“What name would you want on the birth certificate?”

I paused for a little and looked at Maithili. She use to accompany me with every time visited the doctor.

She answered---“Miss Suchismita Mondal.” and smiled at me “Father’s name, Late Himadri Karmakar.”

Tears brewed in my eyes in expression of gratitude, my lips quivered on the thought “How easily she understands my pains.