Dawn at Midnight.
Book 1: Transmigration. Chapter 3: Annapurna Immersion
ShasankoDa applied for telephone at our native place. By then we had telephone in our house in village. I was able to talk with my mom every day.
He never called back or perhaps he called and ChotoMa and Babu didn’t give me the phone to talk to. One day I searched for Bannerjee Uncle’s phone number in the telephone diary but could not get that. I tried to contact Arundhuti, but I was unable to as she also didn’t contacted me. Why she didn’t contact? ChotoMa asked me thousands of queries about Arundhuti and him. I had to tell the truth as I loved him. Definitely he might have sensed the same thing. Surely he had sensed that and he didn’t want that any type of threat should touch me. So he might have cautioned Arundhuti not to contact me. Probably Arundhuti called and she was denied the pleasure of speaking to me. She was the only person to whom I could open my heart.
The day was two days after Mahalaya. On early morning, I was brushing my teeth when the phone rang. Babu used to get up early and goto market for buying fresh vegetables. He already returned and was doing some work near the telephone. ChotoMa was in kitchen, preparing the breakfast.
Babu picked up the phone and then he called ChotoMa. I heard faint sound of their conversation.
Babu---“Should we tell Paree?”
ChotoMa---“No not now. When she will reach home then let her know from them only. I don’t’ want my child to get sad just before Puja. If possible we will go out during Puja Vacation to some place away from Kolkata.”
I came out of the bathroom; my toothbrush was still in my mouth.
I asked---“What happened?”
ChotoMa shook her head---“Nothing.”
I spit out the froth from my mouth in the washbasin and asked again---“Who called?”
Babu came near me and looked at ChotoMa---“Ulupi, we should tell her.”
ChotoMa pulled me inside my room and asked me to open the top buttons of my night gown.
I was baffled by her action and asked her---“Why what happened?”
She ordered me to open my dressing-gown and show her my bosoms. As I opened my buttons, she pushed her palms under my bosoms and pressed them under my mounds, circled those and felt those soft fleshes. I was taken aback by her actions. She pinched my nipples and asked me whether I had any pain or discharge from those or not.
I shook my head and said---“No.”
“Ok” she nodded her head and kissed my forehead “Dress up, we are going to your village.”
A writhing pain started inside my heart as what could have happened. The first thought that came in my mind as what happened to my mom? I asked her again as what happened.
ChotoMa answered---“Your Mom is fine, ShonaMa. I was thinking that since the Puja Vacation is about to start so why don’t I take you to your village few days earlier?”
She asked Babu to call a car instead of going by bus.
ChotoMa and I boarded the car and we started for my native place.
She asked me questions about my college.
---“So everything is going well in your college?”
I nodded my head as to say that “Everything is fine” but inside my heart I had an anxiety as what could have happened and that also with whom? If my mom was ok then who could be?
“How many new friends you have now?” She asked. Was she trying to divert my attention away from my anxiety? Probably yes because she was my ChotoMa.
I smiled at her---“Oh! Come on ChotoMa, I am not a child anymore. All are friends.”
She shook her and touched my chin and nudged---“ShonaMa, in college life every things become materialistic. You should be aware of that. This is not your native place, ShonaMa. This is Kolkata; people here only know others if there is something in return and that is the truth.”
She patted on my cheeks and said---“I have to have a very hard time with my daughter.”
I looked at her as to understand as what she was saying. She was trying to explain the harsh reality of the society.
I told her that I had two best friends; one was Teesta Sarkar and other Delisha Khatun.
She smiled at me and said---“Why don’t you invite them someday at our house after Puja?”
“Sure” I smiled at her.
I hesitated a little and then asked her---“ChotoMa, I have to say something.”
She gave a queer look and asked---“What?”
---“I want a cell-phone, ChotoMa. Most of my friend in college has. I feel inferiority complex.”
She smiled at me and said---“Ok, next birthday you will have your cell-phone.”
“Oh! My god.” I thought, which meant that I had to wait for another long year, as my birthday just passed on twenty-sixth August.
I shook my head and gave a childish look---“NO, no, no. That’s too late ChotoMa.”
She nodded her head and said---“Ok, baba. Christmas gift. Now happy?”
I threw my arms around her neck and kissed her cheek---“My lovely ChotoMa.”
She was a teacher, she knew human psychology, she knew well how to divert attention and she made me happy then. Sometimes I felt that how could she banish her own son out of the house?
By noon we reached our village. I ran inside the house without even paying heed to few pairs of eyes as a car has stopped in front of our house.
Probably everyone was expecting us. I saw my mom was sitting in the dining room, Meghna Boudi and Maithili was also present. I knew that Shasanko Da and Subroto were in their work place and Eldest brother was in the field. As it was noon so I thought that my eldest sister-in-law Parvati Boudi might have gone to fields to give him his lunch.
Mom and Meghna smiled at me. Mom greeted me with a bear hug and kissed my forehead. I was panting and looked around so as to find that what could have happened and to whom.
I asked mom---“What happened and to whom?”
She said---“Paree you have come a long way. Take the lunch and then rest. Everything is fine here.” While she said those words, there was grieving pain painted on her face. But I was unable to fathom that pain.
ChotoMa came in and Mom took her inside. I looked at Meghna Boudi and asked her the same question. She also didn’t say anything to me, I then looked at Maithili. She avoided me somehow and went away to her room.
Out of now-where Dushtu came running at me and I bend down to take him on my lap. He threw around his arms around my neck and I kissed his chubby cheeks.
His first question put me in an agonizing situation---“Why are you alone? Where is Abhi Uncle?” After a long, long time someone called his name. I could not believe my ears that I was hearing his name. I felt an earthquake inside my chest, gurgling out a gruesome pain. I clasped him with all my strength and looked at him.
I smiled painfully at him with my glistening eyes---“He will come next time. He has gone far away for his job and he didn’t get leave for enjoying his Puja Vacation.”
I said those words to him, same time I consoled my painful harrowing heart that one day he will come for me.
What Dushtu told me after that, shook the earth beneath my feet.
---“Bodo Jethima (eldest aunt) is in hospital. She had pain on her chest.”
I looked at him. Already I had enough pain in my small bleeding heart, and then came his words as a huge turbulent wave on the coast of my chest. I just ran with him in my lap to the room where mom was talking with ChotoMa. Parvati Boudi showered her affection silently on me always. He also knew these and he told me.
I yelled at both of them---“What is he saying? MA. WHAT are you two hiding from me?”
I shouted at them, I forgot that Dushtu was on my lap---“Why ChotoMa checked my bosoms?”
Mom got up from the bed, they were sitting. She came near me and took Dushtu from my lap and asked him to go away from the room. I observed that ChotoMa wiped the corner of her eyes. I walked to her and kneeled down by the side of the bed by her feet.
She rubbed her soothing palm on my cheeks and said---“Your Bodo Boudi is fine. She just had some chest pain and she will come back by evening.”
I looked at her with my deluged eyes and said---“You are telling me the truth? Right?”
She nodded her head---“Yes my daughter. Why should I tell you lie?”
---“Why you checked my breasts, this morning?”
---“Nothing, I was examining.”
I didn’t believe her words that Bodo Boudi had only a chest pain---“No, there is something more and you all are hiding from me.”
Mom looked at ChotoMa and signed her not to tell me anything, I observed that gesture with the corner of my eyes and I was then wounded that there was something more.
I pleaded to ChotoMa with my grieving eyes---“Please tell me.”
ChotoMa took a deep breath---“Parvati has been diagnosed with breast cancer.”
I was dumbfounded as what more pain I had to bear. I threw my arms around ChotoMa’s waist and hid my sniveled face on her lap.
I shrieked out a long---“NOOOOOOOO……… this can’t happen with me.”
ChotoMa, being a teacher said to me while gently soothing my hair
---“ jatasya hi dhruvo mrtyur
dhruvam janma mrtasya ca
tasmad apariharye'rthe
na tvam socitum arhasi.”
(For one who has taken birth,
death is certain and for one who has died,
birth is certain.
Therefore in an inevitable situation understanding should prevail)
I was furious on hearing her Sanskrit shloka and shouted at her---“Don’t tell me all those Sanskrit shloka’s; they are not going to bring back life. I am just a young girl with flesh and blood. Just tell me why everything that I love in my life is taken away?”
She took my face between her palms and wiped my tears---“ShonaMa, you are old enough to understand things in life.”
I shook my head---“I want to goto her, NOW.”
She somehow pacified me as to keep calm.
Book 1: Transmigration. Chapter 3: Annapurna Immersion
ShasankoDa applied for telephone at our native place. By then we had telephone in our house in village. I was able to talk with my mom every day.
He never called back or perhaps he called and ChotoMa and Babu didn’t give me the phone to talk to. One day I searched for Bannerjee Uncle’s phone number in the telephone diary but could not get that. I tried to contact Arundhuti, but I was unable to as she also didn’t contacted me. Why she didn’t contact? ChotoMa asked me thousands of queries about Arundhuti and him. I had to tell the truth as I loved him. Definitely he might have sensed the same thing. Surely he had sensed that and he didn’t want that any type of threat should touch me. So he might have cautioned Arundhuti not to contact me. Probably Arundhuti called and she was denied the pleasure of speaking to me. She was the only person to whom I could open my heart.
The day was two days after Mahalaya. On early morning, I was brushing my teeth when the phone rang. Babu used to get up early and goto market for buying fresh vegetables. He already returned and was doing some work near the telephone. ChotoMa was in kitchen, preparing the breakfast.
Babu picked up the phone and then he called ChotoMa. I heard faint sound of their conversation.
Babu---“Should we tell Paree?”
ChotoMa---“No not now. When she will reach home then let her know from them only. I don’t’ want my child to get sad just before Puja. If possible we will go out during Puja Vacation to some place away from Kolkata.”
I came out of the bathroom; my toothbrush was still in my mouth.
I asked---“What happened?”
ChotoMa shook her head---“Nothing.”
I spit out the froth from my mouth in the washbasin and asked again---“Who called?”
Babu came near me and looked at ChotoMa---“Ulupi, we should tell her.”
ChotoMa pulled me inside my room and asked me to open the top buttons of my night gown.
I was baffled by her action and asked her---“Why what happened?”
She ordered me to open my dressing-gown and show her my bosoms. As I opened my buttons, she pushed her palms under my bosoms and pressed them under my mounds, circled those and felt those soft fleshes. I was taken aback by her actions. She pinched my nipples and asked me whether I had any pain or discharge from those or not.
I shook my head and said---“No.”
“Ok” she nodded her head and kissed my forehead “Dress up, we are going to your village.”
A writhing pain started inside my heart as what could have happened. The first thought that came in my mind as what happened to my mom? I asked her again as what happened.
ChotoMa answered---“Your Mom is fine, ShonaMa. I was thinking that since the Puja Vacation is about to start so why don’t I take you to your village few days earlier?”
She asked Babu to call a car instead of going by bus.
ChotoMa and I boarded the car and we started for my native place.
She asked me questions about my college.
---“So everything is going well in your college?”
I nodded my head as to say that “Everything is fine” but inside my heart I had an anxiety as what could have happened and that also with whom? If my mom was ok then who could be?
“How many new friends you have now?” She asked. Was she trying to divert my attention away from my anxiety? Probably yes because she was my ChotoMa.
I smiled at her---“Oh! Come on ChotoMa, I am not a child anymore. All are friends.”
She shook her and touched my chin and nudged---“ShonaMa, in college life every things become materialistic. You should be aware of that. This is not your native place, ShonaMa. This is Kolkata; people here only know others if there is something in return and that is the truth.”
She patted on my cheeks and said---“I have to have a very hard time with my daughter.”
I looked at her as to understand as what she was saying. She was trying to explain the harsh reality of the society.
I told her that I had two best friends; one was Teesta Sarkar and other Delisha Khatun.
She smiled at me and said---“Why don’t you invite them someday at our house after Puja?”
“Sure” I smiled at her.
I hesitated a little and then asked her---“ChotoMa, I have to say something.”
She gave a queer look and asked---“What?”
---“I want a cell-phone, ChotoMa. Most of my friend in college has. I feel inferiority complex.”
She smiled at me and said---“Ok, next birthday you will have your cell-phone.”
“Oh! My god.” I thought, which meant that I had to wait for another long year, as my birthday just passed on twenty-sixth August.
I shook my head and gave a childish look---“NO, no, no. That’s too late ChotoMa.”
She nodded her head and said---“Ok, baba. Christmas gift. Now happy?”
I threw my arms around her neck and kissed her cheek---“My lovely ChotoMa.”
She was a teacher, she knew human psychology, she knew well how to divert attention and she made me happy then. Sometimes I felt that how could she banish her own son out of the house?
By noon we reached our village. I ran inside the house without even paying heed to few pairs of eyes as a car has stopped in front of our house.
Probably everyone was expecting us. I saw my mom was sitting in the dining room, Meghna Boudi and Maithili was also present. I knew that Shasanko Da and Subroto were in their work place and Eldest brother was in the field. As it was noon so I thought that my eldest sister-in-law Parvati Boudi might have gone to fields to give him his lunch.
Mom and Meghna smiled at me. Mom greeted me with a bear hug and kissed my forehead. I was panting and looked around so as to find that what could have happened and to whom.
I asked mom---“What happened and to whom?”
She said---“Paree you have come a long way. Take the lunch and then rest. Everything is fine here.” While she said those words, there was grieving pain painted on her face. But I was unable to fathom that pain.
ChotoMa came in and Mom took her inside. I looked at Meghna Boudi and asked her the same question. She also didn’t say anything to me, I then looked at Maithili. She avoided me somehow and went away to her room.
Out of now-where Dushtu came running at me and I bend down to take him on my lap. He threw around his arms around my neck and I kissed his chubby cheeks.
His first question put me in an agonizing situation---“Why are you alone? Where is Abhi Uncle?” After a long, long time someone called his name. I could not believe my ears that I was hearing his name. I felt an earthquake inside my chest, gurgling out a gruesome pain. I clasped him with all my strength and looked at him.
I smiled painfully at him with my glistening eyes---“He will come next time. He has gone far away for his job and he didn’t get leave for enjoying his Puja Vacation.”
I said those words to him, same time I consoled my painful harrowing heart that one day he will come for me.
What Dushtu told me after that, shook the earth beneath my feet.
---“Bodo Jethima (eldest aunt) is in hospital. She had pain on her chest.”
I looked at him. Already I had enough pain in my small bleeding heart, and then came his words as a huge turbulent wave on the coast of my chest. I just ran with him in my lap to the room where mom was talking with ChotoMa. Parvati Boudi showered her affection silently on me always. He also knew these and he told me.
I yelled at both of them---“What is he saying? MA. WHAT are you two hiding from me?”
I shouted at them, I forgot that Dushtu was on my lap---“Why ChotoMa checked my bosoms?”
Mom got up from the bed, they were sitting. She came near me and took Dushtu from my lap and asked him to go away from the room. I observed that ChotoMa wiped the corner of her eyes. I walked to her and kneeled down by the side of the bed by her feet.
She rubbed her soothing palm on my cheeks and said---“Your Bodo Boudi is fine. She just had some chest pain and she will come back by evening.”
I looked at her with my deluged eyes and said---“You are telling me the truth? Right?”
She nodded her head---“Yes my daughter. Why should I tell you lie?”
---“Why you checked my breasts, this morning?”
---“Nothing, I was examining.”
I didn’t believe her words that Bodo Boudi had only a chest pain---“No, there is something more and you all are hiding from me.”
Mom looked at ChotoMa and signed her not to tell me anything, I observed that gesture with the corner of my eyes and I was then wounded that there was something more.
I pleaded to ChotoMa with my grieving eyes---“Please tell me.”
ChotoMa took a deep breath---“Parvati has been diagnosed with breast cancer.”
I was dumbfounded as what more pain I had to bear. I threw my arms around ChotoMa’s waist and hid my sniveled face on her lap.
I shrieked out a long---“NOOOOOOOO……… this can’t happen with me.”
ChotoMa, being a teacher said to me while gently soothing my hair
---“ jatasya hi dhruvo mrtyur
dhruvam janma mrtasya ca
tasmad apariharye'rthe
na tvam socitum arhasi.”
(For one who has taken birth,
death is certain and for one who has died,
birth is certain.
Therefore in an inevitable situation understanding should prevail)
I was furious on hearing her Sanskrit shloka and shouted at her---“Don’t tell me all those Sanskrit shloka’s; they are not going to bring back life. I am just a young girl with flesh and blood. Just tell me why everything that I love in my life is taken away?”
She took my face between her palms and wiped my tears---“ShonaMa, you are old enough to understand things in life.”
I shook my head---“I want to goto her, NOW.”
She somehow pacified me as to keep calm.