kabhi kabhi main sochti hoon , kaash mere paas jaadu ka brush aa jaye aur main jo paint karu , wo sab haqiqat ho jaye ... ya fir aisa kalam mil jaye jis se jo bhi likhu haqiqat ban jaye...
kaisi ajeeb baatein sochti hoon na main ?
bhala aisa bhi kahin hota hai ...? jo qismat me na ho , wo kaise mil sakta hai ... taqdeer par to kisi ka bas nahi chalta magar...............

shayan warsi to kehta hai ki wo apni qismat khud banayega aur wakayi wo jo chah raha hai , wahi ho raha hai .. wo mujhe thukra kar humaira ahmad se shadi kar raha hai ..
sidra kehti hai ki wo humaira ahmad se shadi sirf uski baap ki daulat ki wajah se kar raha hai .. kyunki wo hannan ahmad ki iklauti beti hai...

main ... main humaira ahmad se zyada khubsurat hoon magar ... meri badqismati yeh hai ki main hannan ahmad ki beti nahi hoon..

shayan warsi kehta hai :-
" zoya mujhe bold , haalaat ke mutabiq chalne wali haqiqat ko face karne wali ladkiyan achi lagti hain aur tum na to bold ho aur na hi tum ko zamane ke sath chalne ka hunar aata hai.."
wo bhi apni jagah sahi hai humaira me ye saari khubiyan maujud hain..
aur mujh me itna kahan hausla hai ki haqiqat ko , logo ko face kar saku..
jab shayan warsi ne mujhse sagayi khatam ki thi , mujhme to itni himmat bhi nahi thi ki main usse yeh poochh saku ki kyun kar rahe ho mere sath aisa , mera qasoor kya hai ...?

wo mere saamne sagayi ki anguthi rakh kar jaa raha tha aur main khamoshi se usey jaate dekh rahi thi .. mujhme itni himmat bhi nahi thi ki poochhti usse :-
" shayan warsi ! aaj se 6 mahine pehle tumne mera jeena doobhar kar diya tha ki mujh se shadi kar lo , main tumhare bina mar jaunga aur ab ... ab mujhe maar kar jaa rahe ho....?"

wo chala gaya aur main usey rok bhi nahi saki thi ... sidra mujhse khub ladi thi ki tumne usey roka kyun nahi ... main usey kaise rokti bhala humaira ahmad ke samne zoya ki kya haisiyat hai ...
working women hostel me rehne wali zoya khan jiske aage peechhe koi nahi hai... wo hannan ahmad ki beti ke samne kuchh bhi to nahi hai..

maine apne samne pade card ko teesri baar dekha ... kal shayan warsi aur humaira ahmad ki shadi hai..
humaira ne khas taur par card bheja hai... sidra ne mujh se kaha hai ki jab usne mujhe bulaya hai to mujhe jaa kar un dono ko hairan kar dena chahiye magar mujh me kahan itna hausla hai ki un dono ka samna kar saku...
sidra kehti hai :-
" zoya ! bahadur bano , nahi to duniya tumhe bech khayegi .. duniya ki aankho me aankhein daal kar jeena seekho , tum tanha ho tumhare paas aisa koi rishta nahi hai jo tapti dhoop me saybaan (saaya) ban jaye .. tumhe jo karna hai khud karna hai apne haq ke liye ladna seekho ..."
" tum ho na mere haq ke liye ladne wali " - maine bas itna hi kaha..
" main.... ! main kab tak tumhare liye lad sakti hoon ? jab tum khud apna haq lene me interested nahi ho , tum .... tum kal zaroor jaogi , shayan ki shadi me jana aur apni muhabbat par faateha ( dua ) padh kar aana.."

main nahi jana chahti thi magar usne mujhse waada le liya halanki wo jaanti hai ki mujhe takleef hogi.. shayan aur humaira ko saath baitha dekh kar .. magar wo chahti hai ki main is takleef ko bardasht karu aur main uski khushi ke liye ye takleef bardasht karungi kyunki ek wahi to hai meri apni dost sidra jamaal...

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" aaj office nahi jaa rahi ?" - sidra ne mujhe aaraam se baithe dekh kar poochha ..
" nahi .."
" kyun ?" - usne fikrmand hote hue poochha to maine jhut bola - " sir me dard hai .."
" acha fir aisa karo tablet lekar dobara so jao fir sham me tumhe shadi me bhi jana hai .." - usne mujhe hidayat jaari ki aur office chal di ..
main himmat kar ke uthi aur sham ke liye acha sa suit press kiya ..

" haye shayan warsi kabhi kabhi dil chahta hai ki tumhe bad dua de du ki jaise tumne mera mazaq banaya hai taqdeer aise hi tumhara bhi mazaq bana de magar nahi main tumhe bad dua nahi de sakti kyunki jinse muhabbat ho unke liye bad dua nahi ki ja sakti..."

" haan shayan warsi ! main zoya khan tumhe bad dua nahi de sakti kyunki aaj se 6 mah pehle jab maine tumhare naam ki anguthi pehni thi to badqismati se tumse muhabbat bhi kar baithi thi aur ye meri zindgi ki sabse badi galti sabit hui ...

ae muhabbat tere anjam pe rona aaya
jaane kyun aaj tere naam pe rona aaya

maine aankho me aate aansuon ko bilkul nahi roka kyunki ye saare aansu aaj hi beh jayein to acha hai..

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maine jaise hi kaajal lagaya .. aankhe bheegne ki wajah se kajal fir fail gaya ...
" mera khayal hai mujhe kaajal lagana hi nahi chahiye " - maine aaine me apna aks dekhte hue socha...
" zoya ! jitni bhi koshish kar lo kaajal lagao na lagao raaz to khul hi jayega ki tum ro rahi ho " - main jaise hi munh dho kar bahar ayi to sidra boli..
maine ek nazar kitab par nazrein jamaye baithi sidra ko dekha aur fir makeup karne lagi..

fir taxi se hotel pahunchi... baaraat aa chuki thi magar humaira ahmad abhi tak nahi pahunchi thi...

shayan warsi kuchh der stage par akela baithne ke baad ab apne dosto ke beech khada tha ... maine usey door se hi pehchan liya tha ... wo apni shandar personality ki wajah se logo me hamesha numaya rehta tha uar aaj to uski shadi thi...
usey dekh kar dil me ek tees si uthi aur koshish ke bawjood main apne aansu na rok payi ... maine apne aansu saaf kiye aur ek taraf rakhi kursi par baith gayi...
ek ghanta guzarne ke baad logo me bechaini failni shuru ho gayi ki..........
" dulhan kahan hai ?"
fir kahin se sunne me aya ki humaira ghar chhod kar chali gayi hai...
is khabar ne mere hosh uda diye...

bhala humaira ahmad ko kya zarurat pad gayi apna ghar chhodne ki... shayan se uski shaadi uski poori razamandi se ho rahi thi... mujhe is khabar par yakeen nahi aya ...
doosra ghanta guzarne ke baad shayan mrs. ahmad ke saamne khada tha ...
" aunty ! aakhir aap mujhe batati kyun nahi hain ki humaira kahan hai ? main uska number bhi try kar raha hoon magar uska mobile off hai aur uncle bhi call attend nahi kar rahe " - shayan jhunjhlate hue poochh raha tha..
kuchh der to mrs. ahmad ne bahane banane ki koshish ki magar fir haqiqat bayan kar di :-
" wo kal raat .......... apne papa se naraz ho gayi thi ..... to gusse me pata nahi kahan chali gayi , tum fikr mat karo..... uske papa use dhundhne gaye hain ..."

mrs. ahmad ki baat sun kar maine shayan ko dhuan dhuan hote dekha... apni itni tauheen ( beizzati ) par jaise uske hosh ud gaye they...

shayan ki nazar jaise hi mujh par padi mere dil ko kuchh hua ... uski nazro me jaane kya tha ki mujhe wo aisa laga jaise wo khud apna hi mujrim ho ...

shayan warsi khuda gawah hai maine tumhe bad dua nahi di ... main to tumhe bad dua dene ki soch bhi nahi sakti...
" tumhare sath aisa kyun hua ?"
shayad muhabbat apne thukraye jaane ka badla khud leti hai...

wo baaraat ke sath wapas jaa raha tha ... mrs. ahmad ne rokna chaha to wo bas itna hi bola :-
" shayan warsi ko apni yeh izzat afzayi hamesha yaad rahegi.."
uski aawaaz me jaane kya tha ki mera dil dukhi ho gaya...
baaraat chali gayi to main bhi hostel ke liye chal padi...

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teen din baad wo mere saamne khada tha ..
" mujhe maaf kar do zoya ! maine tumhare saath bahut bura kiya ... tumhare saath bura karne ke baad mujhe bhi kuch haasil na hua ... main aaj bhi tum se utni hi muhabbat karta hoon , main tumhare bina mar jaunga "..

wahi jumla jo aaj se 6 mahine das din pehle kaha gaya tha ... mujhe aansu saaf karte hi yaad aaya ...
main uske qareeb se guzar kar hostel ke andar jaa rahi thi tab.... tab shayan mere aage hath jode khada tha ...

" zoya kuch bhi ho jaye usey maaf mat karna , usey bhi aise hi thukra dena jaise usne tumhe thukraya tha .." - mere kaano me sidra ke kahe hue jumle goonj rahe they..

" mujhe jo chahe saza de do magar khuda ke liye mujhe thukrana mat " - haath jode iltija karta shayan warsi keh raha tha jo kehta tha ki apni qismat main khud likhunga....
agar shayan apni qismat khud likhta to uski zindgi me ye tragedy kabhi na aati...
" kuchh to bolo zoya tumhari khamoshi mujhe maar degi.."
" is khamoshi ne tumhe us waqt kyun nahi maara jab tum sagayi tod kar jaa rahe they ?" - mera dil chaha us se poochhu magar main aaj bhi chup thi..
" zoya mujhe koi bhi saza de lo magar please ! meri muhabbat ko thukrana nahi .."
" maaf mat karna zoya " - dimag me sidra ke alfaaz ( words ) fir goonje..
" faisla sunao zoya !" - wo minnat kar raha tha ...
aur fir maine faisla suna diya ...
maine usey maaf kar diya...

wo shukriya bhari nazro se mujhe dekhte hue bola :-
" tumne bahut bada ehsaan kiya hai mujh par ... main mar kar bhi tumhara ye ehsaan nahi bhulunga "

mujhe ab sidra ki fikr thi , jo mera ye faisla sun kar mujhse naraz ho jayegi ... bahut ladegi mujhse... fir main usey bataungi ki shayan warsi ko hath jode khade dekh kar mere dil ko kitni takleef ho rahi thi ...

" main usey bataungi ki muhabbat ko thukrane wale kabhi sukoon se nahi rehte ... muhabbat khud unse inteqam le leti hai ... muhabbat unhe bad dua deti hai aur agar wo bad dua lag jaye to shayan warsi jaisa insaan khada ho jata hai aur main isi baat se darti hoon KYUNKI ...... MAINE BHI MUHABBAT KI HAI ".