Koyi 10 ya 15 kilometeres ke drive ke baad aguey police check kar rahe the aur Abhay ko rukne ko signal kiya gaya. Abhay ne gadi park ki aur Saleem bhai ne jaldi se apne hathyaar ko unn donon se wapas apne paas liya. Police walon mein se ek police torch liye Abhay ke chehre par kiya aur licence ki darkhwast ki….. aur apne torch ko piche ki seat par kiya phir Saleem bhai par torch mara aur bola, «Are Saleem chacha, aap kidhar ko chale iss waqt, thik thik hai driver agar Saleem chacha ke saath ho to licence dikhane ki zaroorat nahin hai ! » Aur woh police inspector chal kar Saleem bhai ke taraf gaya aur sar juhka kar car ke darwaze par hath rakh kar Saleem chacha se baat karne laga. Uss ne kaha, «Kyun Saleem chacha kissi ka katl karna hai kia jo apne bade samourai se leys nikal pade ? » To Saleem bhai apne buland kadak awaaz mein ussko jawaab diya, «Are Raaghav tum ho! Nahin yaar bus kissi ko darana dhamkana hai…… » To Raaghav bola, «Aur yeh 3 lawndey kia aap ke naye trainee sipahi hein hehehehe !» To Saleem bhai ne kaha, «Nahin re burbak, inn logon ka sayetha karne ko jaa raha hoon.” Aur Inspector ne kaha, “Thik hai jawo chacha khayaal rahe ke phir se jail na jana pade aap ko kissi ka khoon mat kardena mujhko gawahi dena par jaega varna!! Hehehehe!”
Aur phir car Abhay ne aguey drive karna chaalu kiya. Ab to Iqbaal aur Vinay ko aur bhi mawka milgaya Saleem bhai se sawalaat karne ko. Iqbaal ne shuru ki, “Aap to bahot mashoor ho SALEEM BHAI, HUM ABHI KOYI 15 KMS DOOR HEIN AAP KE GHAR SE AUR YAHAN KE POLICE BHI AAP KO JAANTE HEIN AUR AAP JAIL BHI GAYE HO WAH!” To saleem bhai ne kaha, “Main tamaam desh ke kone kone mein mashoor hoon beta, aur jail ka to khaas mehmaan bhi hoon, are police kia wakil aur magistrate bhi mere saathi hein desh ke! Aur MLA aur misninsters log bhi!!” Tab Vinay bola, “Janaab bura mat maanna aap bilkool el filmi character lagte ho jo bhai wale roles karte hein ekdum unn logon ki tarah ho aap to!” Saleem bhai ne uss ke jawaab mein kaha, “Hmm main ne apne characters ko bahot sare filmon mein dekha hai… magar sab phikey par jate hein mere saamne!” To Iqbaal bola, aap to Amitab Bachchan se bhi ziada mashoor lagte ho!” Tab Saleem bhai hansse!! Usska hanssi bhi kadak tha! Woh bola, “Amitabh bachchan se mila hoon main photu bhi hai mera usske saath, main sirf yeh jaanna chahta tha ke woh mujhse ziada lamba hai ke main….. sala mere aguey woh bhi pheeka par gaya, main uss se 5 inches ziada lamba hoon! Jiss din Amit ji se mila to ussne khushi se kaha, “Chalo bhai aaj to mujhe koyi eisa insaan mila jisske saath main sar utha kar baat kar sakta hoon varna meri gardan dukh jati hai sab se sar jhuka kar baat karte huwe!! Aur hum donon khub hansse the bahot sare photographer ne uss din hum donon ki tasveer liye the kyunke unn logon ko ek mawka milgaya the do lambe aadmiyon ke tasveer ek saath lene ko!! Hahahahahaha!!”
Teenon dost hakbakaye huwe Saleem bhai ke baton ko sun rahe…. Saleem bhai bolte hai ya hanste ho sab se darr sa lagta tha.. usske hanssi mein bhi khauff tha…. Kyun ke usski awaaz hi kuch eisi thi ke darr sa lag jata tha…..Aur aakhir yunhi batein karte karte woh log apne manzil tak pohonch gaye…..
Rakesh ke yahan sab daakhil huwe jab darwaza kholagaya khatkhatane par. Usske ghar ke andar koyi Mr. Varma Rakesh ke baap se baat cheet kar raha tha lounge mein baithe haath mein ek ek gilaas liye huwe. (Dosto iss Mr.Varma ko aap sab yaad rakhein kyun ke iss character ka ek bahot ehem role hai aguey chal kar kahani mein) Ghar mein ghuss kar Rakesh ko nikala gaya, aur yeh kaam Abhay ne kiya Mr. Varma ke saamne aur Rakesh ko peeta bhi teenoon doston ne milkar Saleem bhai haath mein samourai liye khada dekh rahe the aur apne buland awaaz mein kaha, “Agar kissi ne police ko phone kiya ya kissi ko kissi tarah se bhi yahan bulaya to ek ek ko tukron mein kaat ke darya mein machliyon ko khane ko de dunga! Sab khamosh yahin baithein!” Ghar ke sab log thar thar kamp rahe the aur Rakhesh ki to bilkool hi phat gayi thi! Mr. Varma ghar se nikalna chahta tha yeh sab dekh aur sunkar, magar Saleem bai ne kaha, “Tum kaun ho?” Rakesh ka baap ne jawaab diya, “Yeh mera ek dost hai hum kissi kaam ke sissile mein discussion kar rahe the, isse kuch mat kehye yeh kuch nahin jaanta!” To Saleem bhai ne Mr. Varma se kaha, “Aap idhar hi baitho, hamare lautne ke baad hi baahar jaa sakte ho!” Aur Mr. Varma apne chasme ko naak ke upar karte huwe aur apne bag aur file ko bazu ke niche dabate huwe kaampte peyron se sofe par baith jata hai……
Rakesh niche zameen par pada tha, aur teenon doston ne Saleem bhai ko bolne ko kaha, tab Saleem bhai Rakesh ke kameez ke collar se ussko upar uthate huwe poochta hai, “Tu isski behen se shaadi karega ke nahin?” Rakesh ki maa aur baap donon Saleem bhai ke peyron par girr pade yeh kehte huwe, “Shaadi karega huzoor zaroor kadega kuch ghalat faimiyan thiin ab sab thik ho jaega!” To saleem bhai ne Rakesh se poocha, “Main tum se pooch raha hoon!” Rakesh haath jodte huwe kehta hai, “Karunga zaroor karunga woh mera pyar hai!” Tab Vinay chillatey huwe bola, “Sala kutta haram zaada kal to mujhe aur mere pita ko gaaliyan dekar yahanse nikaal diya tha aur kaha tha ke Savitri bud chalan hai ab bolke dekh! Aur aap usske maa baap ho phir bhi aap logon ne bhi kaha tha ke weisi ladki ko kabhi bhi apna bahu swikaar nahin kareingue ab kia huwa?!” Yeh sab kehte waqt Vinay ro pada aur baith gaya to Iqbaal aur Abhay ne ussko gale se lagakar chup karaya. Aur Saleem bhai ne kaha, “Aap log yeh mat sochye ke shaadi ke baad isski behen ko kissi kissam ki takliff deinguey iss ghar mein ya uss par koyi atyachaar kareingeuy, ussko bilkool ghar ki lakshmi samajh kar apni sagi beti kia tarah dekhna hoga!” Tab Rakesh ke mata pita bole, “HUM USSKO BAHOT PYAR SE RAKHEINGUEY JANAAB AAP NAARAAZ KYUN HOTE HO, HUM SE GHALATI HUWI HUM MAAFI CHAHTE HEIN HAMEIN KSHAMA KAREIN!” Aur Saleem bhai ne yeh bhi kaha ghar se nikalne se pehle, “Aur aap sab yeh mat sochein ke baad mein police ko kehkar mujhko kuch karne ki koshish kareinguey, main aap logon ko yeh batadena uchit samajhta hoon ke main 4 khoon ke ilzaam mein jail jaa chukka hoon phir bhi azaad hoon woh iss liye ke sab police, judge, MLA, ministers mere saathiyon mein se hein… agar aap logon ki vajah se mujh par case huwa bhi to mahine bhar mein baahar nikal jawunga tab sochna ke kia hashar hoga tum logon ka! Mere talaab ki machliyan gosht khana bahot passand karte hein han!!”
Vinay ne poocha to kab aarahe hein aap log hamare ghar meri behen ko apnane aur uss se maafi maangne ko? Rakesh ne kaampte huwe kaha, “Agle Sunday hum zaroor ayeinguey bhai!” Tab charon RAKESH KE GHAR SE NIKLE!!
Gaadi mein bathte hi Iqbaal khi khi khi hanssne laga, phir dhire dhire Vinay bhi hansne laga aur car start karne ke baad khud Abhay unn donon ke dekh kar hanss padaa…aur teenon zor zor se gale milkar hansne lage aur Saleem bhai unn logon ko dekh kar poocha apne kadak style mein, “Oye kia huwa nawjawanon kyun itne hanss rahe ho?!” To iqbaal bola, “SAB KI PHAT GAYI THI GHAR MEIN hahahahaha!! Hamein maaf kar dijiye hum ussko apni sagi beti ki tarah rakheinguey hehehehehe,” Aur hanste hi huwe Vinay bola, “Main uss se shaadi zaroor karunga woh mera pyar hai hihihihihihihi” tab inn donon ko sunkar Saleem bhai bhi hanssa “hu hu huh hohoho hah hah hah chalo ab dirive karo putarrr!!”
Phir wahan se lautne lage tez raftaar se aur sab ne Saleem bhai se poocha, “Kia aap sach mein 4 khoon kar chuke hein bhai?” To Saleem bhai bola, “ARE NAHIN YEH SIRF UNN KO DHAMKAANE KE LIYE BOLA THA, MAIN KOYI KAATIL VAATIL NAHIN HOON BACHCHO! BUS GUNEHGAARON KO PEETTA HOON KABHI KABAAR GHAAYAL BHI KARDETA HOON….. inn jeise logon ko pyar se samjhane ka koyi assar nahin padta eise hi samajhte hein yeh log……
TBC..
Aur phir car Abhay ne aguey drive karna chaalu kiya. Ab to Iqbaal aur Vinay ko aur bhi mawka milgaya Saleem bhai se sawalaat karne ko. Iqbaal ne shuru ki, “Aap to bahot mashoor ho SALEEM BHAI, HUM ABHI KOYI 15 KMS DOOR HEIN AAP KE GHAR SE AUR YAHAN KE POLICE BHI AAP KO JAANTE HEIN AUR AAP JAIL BHI GAYE HO WAH!” To saleem bhai ne kaha, “Main tamaam desh ke kone kone mein mashoor hoon beta, aur jail ka to khaas mehmaan bhi hoon, are police kia wakil aur magistrate bhi mere saathi hein desh ke! Aur MLA aur misninsters log bhi!!” Tab Vinay bola, “Janaab bura mat maanna aap bilkool el filmi character lagte ho jo bhai wale roles karte hein ekdum unn logon ki tarah ho aap to!” Saleem bhai ne uss ke jawaab mein kaha, “Hmm main ne apne characters ko bahot sare filmon mein dekha hai… magar sab phikey par jate hein mere saamne!” To Iqbaal bola, aap to Amitab Bachchan se bhi ziada mashoor lagte ho!” Tab Saleem bhai hansse!! Usska hanssi bhi kadak tha! Woh bola, “Amitabh bachchan se mila hoon main photu bhi hai mera usske saath, main sirf yeh jaanna chahta tha ke woh mujhse ziada lamba hai ke main….. sala mere aguey woh bhi pheeka par gaya, main uss se 5 inches ziada lamba hoon! Jiss din Amit ji se mila to ussne khushi se kaha, “Chalo bhai aaj to mujhe koyi eisa insaan mila jisske saath main sar utha kar baat kar sakta hoon varna meri gardan dukh jati hai sab se sar jhuka kar baat karte huwe!! Aur hum donon khub hansse the bahot sare photographer ne uss din hum donon ki tasveer liye the kyunke unn logon ko ek mawka milgaya the do lambe aadmiyon ke tasveer ek saath lene ko!! Hahahahahaha!!”
Teenon dost hakbakaye huwe Saleem bhai ke baton ko sun rahe…. Saleem bhai bolte hai ya hanste ho sab se darr sa lagta tha.. usske hanssi mein bhi khauff tha…. Kyun ke usski awaaz hi kuch eisi thi ke darr sa lag jata tha…..Aur aakhir yunhi batein karte karte woh log apne manzil tak pohonch gaye…..
Rakesh ke yahan sab daakhil huwe jab darwaza kholagaya khatkhatane par. Usske ghar ke andar koyi Mr. Varma Rakesh ke baap se baat cheet kar raha tha lounge mein baithe haath mein ek ek gilaas liye huwe. (Dosto iss Mr.Varma ko aap sab yaad rakhein kyun ke iss character ka ek bahot ehem role hai aguey chal kar kahani mein) Ghar mein ghuss kar Rakesh ko nikala gaya, aur yeh kaam Abhay ne kiya Mr. Varma ke saamne aur Rakesh ko peeta bhi teenoon doston ne milkar Saleem bhai haath mein samourai liye khada dekh rahe the aur apne buland awaaz mein kaha, “Agar kissi ne police ko phone kiya ya kissi ko kissi tarah se bhi yahan bulaya to ek ek ko tukron mein kaat ke darya mein machliyon ko khane ko de dunga! Sab khamosh yahin baithein!” Ghar ke sab log thar thar kamp rahe the aur Rakhesh ki to bilkool hi phat gayi thi! Mr. Varma ghar se nikalna chahta tha yeh sab dekh aur sunkar, magar Saleem bai ne kaha, “Tum kaun ho?” Rakesh ka baap ne jawaab diya, “Yeh mera ek dost hai hum kissi kaam ke sissile mein discussion kar rahe the, isse kuch mat kehye yeh kuch nahin jaanta!” To Saleem bhai ne Mr. Varma se kaha, “Aap idhar hi baitho, hamare lautne ke baad hi baahar jaa sakte ho!” Aur Mr. Varma apne chasme ko naak ke upar karte huwe aur apne bag aur file ko bazu ke niche dabate huwe kaampte peyron se sofe par baith jata hai……
Rakesh niche zameen par pada tha, aur teenon doston ne Saleem bhai ko bolne ko kaha, tab Saleem bhai Rakesh ke kameez ke collar se ussko upar uthate huwe poochta hai, “Tu isski behen se shaadi karega ke nahin?” Rakesh ki maa aur baap donon Saleem bhai ke peyron par girr pade yeh kehte huwe, “Shaadi karega huzoor zaroor kadega kuch ghalat faimiyan thiin ab sab thik ho jaega!” To saleem bhai ne Rakesh se poocha, “Main tum se pooch raha hoon!” Rakesh haath jodte huwe kehta hai, “Karunga zaroor karunga woh mera pyar hai!” Tab Vinay chillatey huwe bola, “Sala kutta haram zaada kal to mujhe aur mere pita ko gaaliyan dekar yahanse nikaal diya tha aur kaha tha ke Savitri bud chalan hai ab bolke dekh! Aur aap usske maa baap ho phir bhi aap logon ne bhi kaha tha ke weisi ladki ko kabhi bhi apna bahu swikaar nahin kareingue ab kia huwa?!” Yeh sab kehte waqt Vinay ro pada aur baith gaya to Iqbaal aur Abhay ne ussko gale se lagakar chup karaya. Aur Saleem bhai ne kaha, “Aap log yeh mat sochye ke shaadi ke baad isski behen ko kissi kissam ki takliff deinguey iss ghar mein ya uss par koyi atyachaar kareingeuy, ussko bilkool ghar ki lakshmi samajh kar apni sagi beti kia tarah dekhna hoga!” Tab Rakesh ke mata pita bole, “HUM USSKO BAHOT PYAR SE RAKHEINGUEY JANAAB AAP NAARAAZ KYUN HOTE HO, HUM SE GHALATI HUWI HUM MAAFI CHAHTE HEIN HAMEIN KSHAMA KAREIN!” Aur Saleem bhai ne yeh bhi kaha ghar se nikalne se pehle, “Aur aap sab yeh mat sochein ke baad mein police ko kehkar mujhko kuch karne ki koshish kareinguey, main aap logon ko yeh batadena uchit samajhta hoon ke main 4 khoon ke ilzaam mein jail jaa chukka hoon phir bhi azaad hoon woh iss liye ke sab police, judge, MLA, ministers mere saathiyon mein se hein… agar aap logon ki vajah se mujh par case huwa bhi to mahine bhar mein baahar nikal jawunga tab sochna ke kia hashar hoga tum logon ka! Mere talaab ki machliyan gosht khana bahot passand karte hein han!!”
Vinay ne poocha to kab aarahe hein aap log hamare ghar meri behen ko apnane aur uss se maafi maangne ko? Rakesh ne kaampte huwe kaha, “Agle Sunday hum zaroor ayeinguey bhai!” Tab charon RAKESH KE GHAR SE NIKLE!!
Gaadi mein bathte hi Iqbaal khi khi khi hanssne laga, phir dhire dhire Vinay bhi hansne laga aur car start karne ke baad khud Abhay unn donon ke dekh kar hanss padaa…aur teenon zor zor se gale milkar hansne lage aur Saleem bhai unn logon ko dekh kar poocha apne kadak style mein, “Oye kia huwa nawjawanon kyun itne hanss rahe ho?!” To iqbaal bola, “SAB KI PHAT GAYI THI GHAR MEIN hahahahaha!! Hamein maaf kar dijiye hum ussko apni sagi beti ki tarah rakheinguey hehehehehe,” Aur hanste hi huwe Vinay bola, “Main uss se shaadi zaroor karunga woh mera pyar hai hihihihihihihi” tab inn donon ko sunkar Saleem bhai bhi hanssa “hu hu huh hohoho hah hah hah chalo ab dirive karo putarrr!!”
Phir wahan se lautne lage tez raftaar se aur sab ne Saleem bhai se poocha, “Kia aap sach mein 4 khoon kar chuke hein bhai?” To Saleem bhai bola, “ARE NAHIN YEH SIRF UNN KO DHAMKAANE KE LIYE BOLA THA, MAIN KOYI KAATIL VAATIL NAHIN HOON BACHCHO! BUS GUNEHGAARON KO PEETTA HOON KABHI KABAAR GHAAYAL BHI KARDETA HOON….. inn jeise logon ko pyar se samjhane ka koyi assar nahin padta eise hi samajhte hein yeh log……
TBC..