Pankhudi woke up in the morning as the rays of the morning sun kissed her eyelids. She sat up on her bed, and suddenly realized that she was in her own apartment. She was shocked because of this was so sudden and unexpected. She felt around her neck, the collar had been removed. For a moment she wondered if she had been dreaming all this time. But she wasn’t. The wounds on her body were very much real. She was naked under her bed sheet.
She got out of her bed and checked her mobile phone that she had left in her drawer. She so desperately wanted to know the date and time. It was Thursday, 7 am. He had actually let her go after 3 days. She was so badly confused because of the psychological stress she was put through; she could hardly even orient herself to whatever has been happening. Everything happened so fast, but it felt like an eternity. She was held for three days, but she felt like she had been there for a much longer time.
She found an envelope placed on a dressing table with a fresh red rose on it. She picked the rose in her hand, she saw that all its thorns had been removed. She picked up the envelope and opened it to find a letter inside it. She recognized the handwriting. It read –
My precious Pankhudi,
I believe it is time I give you what you deserve the most – your freedom. A person’s will breaks when they are pushed beyond their limits, subjected to brutality beyond their endurance. Something changes forever, they can never be the same again. Pain and suffering destroys everything good that exists in a person, and leaves behind either a broken lifeless puppet or a disturbed violent creature. But you are still so lily white. You are still the same sweetheart, just the way you were when I first saw you, sweet and loving. Your heart is still pure like a delicate dewdrop that I could hold gently on my palm forever. The innocence in your eyes is still so unblemished. That is because you, my darling, are truly incorruptible.
Love,
Armaan
Pankhudi began to cry with the letter in her hand. Whether those were tears of joy or sorrow, she couldn’t tell. She was happy that she was free, but deep within her heart, she was missing him. It was just last night that she felt a bond developing with him, she was beginning to know him, understand him, but he suddenly chose to leave her. The logic wasn’t too difficult to comprehend, he just kept his promise. But logic never explains feelings. Why she had to feel that way for a person who had tormented her so much? She had no answers. She just knew that she felt strongly bonded to him, she could feel him – his love, his hate, his anger, his despair, his pain...and now she knew his name.
She picked up the rose and touched her cheek with it. Her tears soaked the petals. Its soft sweet fragrance reminded her of him, perhaps this was his last gift to her.
She looked at the clock, it was 7.15 am, she got ready for office. She was still in pain, but her job was important for her. She wore a salwar suit and covered up her body well with her duppatta to hide all the marks Armaan had left on her body.
She had an uneventful day. She returned home in the evening. She was feeling free, for the first time in so many days. Since Armaan had started stalking her, there wasn’t a single moment when she felt safe. She was constantly under fear. But not anymore. She still feared him, she had no doubt regarding what he was capable of doing, but she knew that he may hurt her but he won’t harm her. She trusted him.
Several days went by. He never tried to contact her. The wounds of the torture were beginning to heal, so was her life. She was beginning to live again, she was happy to realize that her life was still unharmed, just like it used to be before he came in her life, just like he said it would be when had promised her.
She kept getting flashbacks of the time she spent with him in his room. It was the most wonderful time they spend together. She remembered how she was curiously exploring everything in his room, how all the things in his room were telling her so much about him. She still had a good memory of the face of the beautiful little girl in the broken picture frame. The girl’s eyes were very similar to Pankhudi’s. Armaan had told her his story alright, but it was not all of it. There was still something about him that she still didn’t know.
Pankhudi felt very different about herself since he set her free. All that she had been through, it actually made her feel stronger. She had these dark desires within herself for a long time, she wanted to be dominated, and treated just like she was treated. There was a strange sense of satisfaction among her feelings of fear and anguish. When she was subjected to violence in her childhood, she was forced to be quiet. She was beaten even more if she screamed or cried out loud. Armaan never gagged her, he allowed her to scream...like she always wanted to, to vent all her anguish. She felt a strange calmness in her own agitated mind. She dreamt about Armaan several times. The fear she felt for him thrilled her. Since he left her, she could feel some sort of a void in her life. Sometimes she felt like talking to him, she wished she could find a way to contact him, but there was no way she could trace him.
She thought she’d call Nisha back, but she wasn’t too sure about it. What if Armaan wasn’t done with her yet? What if he comes back to torment and brutalize her again? He still had the evidence against her that could ruin her life. She couldn’t take the risk. She didn’t want Nisha to get hurt in all this.
Pankhudi continued living alone. She carried on with her life. The monsoon started, it began with the gentle drizzle of June to the thundering downpour of July.
It was one such night, when it was raining heavily and the sound of the thunder echoed pursuing the flashes of lightning across the sky. Pankhudi had returned from her office, and she didn’t go to college. It was night and there was a power cut so it was very dark already. Pankhudi was cooking her dinner in the kitchen in the light of a candle and a flashlight.
She heard her doorbell ring. She wasn’t expecting anybody, at least not in such a frightening rainy night. It was already very dark, and her sixth sense was warning her of something. She opened the door. She saw a tall man standing before her, when she shone the flashlight on his face, she nearly screamed. She began to tremble thinking why he had come back in her life.
Armaan stood in front of her, tall and strong, but his expression was very sad.
“I wanted to go home...” he said in a sad voice, “I lost my way.”
“What do you want?” Pankhudi asked trembling with fear.
“Shelter for some time...it’s raining and I.. ” he said in a surprisingly submissive tone, his sentence was interrupted by the sound of thunder.
Pankhudi didn’t know what to say. She stood there perplexed.
“It’s ok...” he said in a breaking voice, “I’ll...go away...”
He turned to leave. Pankhudi could not comprehend his strange behaviour. But instinctively she said, “No wait, come in.”
She didn’t know why she called him in. She was afraid of him, but she couldn’t see a logical threat. What could he possibly do to her now that he couldn’t have done earlier?
He was completely drenched in the downpour. She made him sit down on the sofa and offered him a towel to dry his head. He was dazed, like she had never seen him before. It was very dark, she couldn’t see details of his expression, but she knew he was very sad. He sat there quietly.
“Are you OK?” she asked him.
He didn’t respond. She began to dry his head with the towel. He still didn’t say anything. Pankhudi was very much mystified to see him like that. He had come to her house walking through such heavy rain and now he wasn’t speaking anything.
She made tea for him. Her hand trembled as she offered him the cup. He looked up at her and smiled weakly. He took the cup from her hand and thanked her. She went back to the kitchen and continued cooking. She thought maybe she should cook some more food for her guest. When the food was ready, she walked up to him. He was still sitting on the sofa, still dazed and looking at a spot in the air fixedly.
"Dinner is ready." she said softly, as she was nervously standing before him.
He slowly lifted his gaze and looked at her. He spoke very softy, "Thanks, but I am not hungry..."
"Please..." she said gently placing a hand on his shoulder, "I cooked for both of us. I thought we could eat together..."
He didn't reply, and Pankhudi felt disheartened as he turned down her request. She sat down next to him quietly with her head bowed. Her body language clearly showed her dejection.
He looked at her, and the disappointment on her face. He gently held her hand and said with a weak smile, "Fine, let's have dinner."
Pankhudi smiled. She was happy that he accepted her request. They had dinner quietly. She was expecting him to say something but he wasn’t speaking a word.
After dinner, she broke the silence.
“Are you OK?” she asked again, “Please say something.”
“I don’t know” he replied softly and became very quiet again.
Pankhudi didn’t know what to say further. She looked at outside the window and said, “I don’t think the rain’s gonna stop anytime soon. You can stay here for the night, it’s alright.”
“Are you sure?” he asked looking at her. She nodded in affirmation.
She sat down beside him and gently put a hand on his shoulder.
“I wanted to go home” he said taking a deep breath, “I don’t know the way...I don’t know...where my home is....”
Pankhudi still didn’t understand anything. But she didn’t find it right to trouble him with questions, at least not now. The way his sentences were breaking, she could feel that he is actually breaking within himself.
She got out of her bed and checked her mobile phone that she had left in her drawer. She so desperately wanted to know the date and time. It was Thursday, 7 am. He had actually let her go after 3 days. She was so badly confused because of the psychological stress she was put through; she could hardly even orient herself to whatever has been happening. Everything happened so fast, but it felt like an eternity. She was held for three days, but she felt like she had been there for a much longer time.
She found an envelope placed on a dressing table with a fresh red rose on it. She picked the rose in her hand, she saw that all its thorns had been removed. She picked up the envelope and opened it to find a letter inside it. She recognized the handwriting. It read –
My precious Pankhudi,
I believe it is time I give you what you deserve the most – your freedom. A person’s will breaks when they are pushed beyond their limits, subjected to brutality beyond their endurance. Something changes forever, they can never be the same again. Pain and suffering destroys everything good that exists in a person, and leaves behind either a broken lifeless puppet or a disturbed violent creature. But you are still so lily white. You are still the same sweetheart, just the way you were when I first saw you, sweet and loving. Your heart is still pure like a delicate dewdrop that I could hold gently on my palm forever. The innocence in your eyes is still so unblemished. That is because you, my darling, are truly incorruptible.
Love,
Armaan
Pankhudi began to cry with the letter in her hand. Whether those were tears of joy or sorrow, she couldn’t tell. She was happy that she was free, but deep within her heart, she was missing him. It was just last night that she felt a bond developing with him, she was beginning to know him, understand him, but he suddenly chose to leave her. The logic wasn’t too difficult to comprehend, he just kept his promise. But logic never explains feelings. Why she had to feel that way for a person who had tormented her so much? She had no answers. She just knew that she felt strongly bonded to him, she could feel him – his love, his hate, his anger, his despair, his pain...and now she knew his name.
She picked up the rose and touched her cheek with it. Her tears soaked the petals. Its soft sweet fragrance reminded her of him, perhaps this was his last gift to her.
She looked at the clock, it was 7.15 am, she got ready for office. She was still in pain, but her job was important for her. She wore a salwar suit and covered up her body well with her duppatta to hide all the marks Armaan had left on her body.
She had an uneventful day. She returned home in the evening. She was feeling free, for the first time in so many days. Since Armaan had started stalking her, there wasn’t a single moment when she felt safe. She was constantly under fear. But not anymore. She still feared him, she had no doubt regarding what he was capable of doing, but she knew that he may hurt her but he won’t harm her. She trusted him.
Several days went by. He never tried to contact her. The wounds of the torture were beginning to heal, so was her life. She was beginning to live again, she was happy to realize that her life was still unharmed, just like it used to be before he came in her life, just like he said it would be when had promised her.
She kept getting flashbacks of the time she spent with him in his room. It was the most wonderful time they spend together. She remembered how she was curiously exploring everything in his room, how all the things in his room were telling her so much about him. She still had a good memory of the face of the beautiful little girl in the broken picture frame. The girl’s eyes were very similar to Pankhudi’s. Armaan had told her his story alright, but it was not all of it. There was still something about him that she still didn’t know.
Pankhudi felt very different about herself since he set her free. All that she had been through, it actually made her feel stronger. She had these dark desires within herself for a long time, she wanted to be dominated, and treated just like she was treated. There was a strange sense of satisfaction among her feelings of fear and anguish. When she was subjected to violence in her childhood, she was forced to be quiet. She was beaten even more if she screamed or cried out loud. Armaan never gagged her, he allowed her to scream...like she always wanted to, to vent all her anguish. She felt a strange calmness in her own agitated mind. She dreamt about Armaan several times. The fear she felt for him thrilled her. Since he left her, she could feel some sort of a void in her life. Sometimes she felt like talking to him, she wished she could find a way to contact him, but there was no way she could trace him.
She thought she’d call Nisha back, but she wasn’t too sure about it. What if Armaan wasn’t done with her yet? What if he comes back to torment and brutalize her again? He still had the evidence against her that could ruin her life. She couldn’t take the risk. She didn’t want Nisha to get hurt in all this.
Pankhudi continued living alone. She carried on with her life. The monsoon started, it began with the gentle drizzle of June to the thundering downpour of July.
It was one such night, when it was raining heavily and the sound of the thunder echoed pursuing the flashes of lightning across the sky. Pankhudi had returned from her office, and she didn’t go to college. It was night and there was a power cut so it was very dark already. Pankhudi was cooking her dinner in the kitchen in the light of a candle and a flashlight.
She heard her doorbell ring. She wasn’t expecting anybody, at least not in such a frightening rainy night. It was already very dark, and her sixth sense was warning her of something. She opened the door. She saw a tall man standing before her, when she shone the flashlight on his face, she nearly screamed. She began to tremble thinking why he had come back in her life.
Armaan stood in front of her, tall and strong, but his expression was very sad.
“I wanted to go home...” he said in a sad voice, “I lost my way.”
“What do you want?” Pankhudi asked trembling with fear.
“Shelter for some time...it’s raining and I.. ” he said in a surprisingly submissive tone, his sentence was interrupted by the sound of thunder.
Pankhudi didn’t know what to say. She stood there perplexed.
“It’s ok...” he said in a breaking voice, “I’ll...go away...”
He turned to leave. Pankhudi could not comprehend his strange behaviour. But instinctively she said, “No wait, come in.”
She didn’t know why she called him in. She was afraid of him, but she couldn’t see a logical threat. What could he possibly do to her now that he couldn’t have done earlier?
He was completely drenched in the downpour. She made him sit down on the sofa and offered him a towel to dry his head. He was dazed, like she had never seen him before. It was very dark, she couldn’t see details of his expression, but she knew he was very sad. He sat there quietly.
“Are you OK?” she asked him.
He didn’t respond. She began to dry his head with the towel. He still didn’t say anything. Pankhudi was very much mystified to see him like that. He had come to her house walking through such heavy rain and now he wasn’t speaking anything.
She made tea for him. Her hand trembled as she offered him the cup. He looked up at her and smiled weakly. He took the cup from her hand and thanked her. She went back to the kitchen and continued cooking. She thought maybe she should cook some more food for her guest. When the food was ready, she walked up to him. He was still sitting on the sofa, still dazed and looking at a spot in the air fixedly.
"Dinner is ready." she said softly, as she was nervously standing before him.
He slowly lifted his gaze and looked at her. He spoke very softy, "Thanks, but I am not hungry..."
"Please..." she said gently placing a hand on his shoulder, "I cooked for both of us. I thought we could eat together..."
He didn't reply, and Pankhudi felt disheartened as he turned down her request. She sat down next to him quietly with her head bowed. Her body language clearly showed her dejection.
He looked at her, and the disappointment on her face. He gently held her hand and said with a weak smile, "Fine, let's have dinner."
Pankhudi smiled. She was happy that he accepted her request. They had dinner quietly. She was expecting him to say something but he wasn’t speaking a word.
After dinner, she broke the silence.
“Are you OK?” she asked again, “Please say something.”
“I don’t know” he replied softly and became very quiet again.
Pankhudi didn’t know what to say further. She looked at outside the window and said, “I don’t think the rain’s gonna stop anytime soon. You can stay here for the night, it’s alright.”
“Are you sure?” he asked looking at her. She nodded in affirmation.
She sat down beside him and gently put a hand on his shoulder.
“I wanted to go home” he said taking a deep breath, “I don’t know the way...I don’t know...where my home is....”
Pankhudi still didn’t understand anything. But she didn’t find it right to trouble him with questions, at least not now. The way his sentences were breaking, she could feel that he is actually breaking within himself.