Dawn at Midnight.
Book 3: Rise from ashes. Chapter 1: Optics Notebook
“Pupu what are you doing? Do not go there. You are becoming naughty day by day.”
“What type of name is this, Pupu?”
“You gave her the name, Pubali, and this is just a nick name.”
“No, this can’t be a nick name for such a sweet doll.”
“Then what to call?”
“I will call her as Papri.”
“Hmmmmm……. That is a sweet name. How you get those names from that brain.”
“(Faint smile) She is such a cute doll. It is her time to play and run.”
“It reminds me of our old days.”
“(hearty laugh) don’t tell me that you remember those days when you were three years old.”
“How is all going?”
“(after a small pause) Till now ok. But I have to go away.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to be a burden for my brothers.”
“Stay with me.”
“(faint painful smile) You cannot feed me and my child, life long.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I want to do some job. May be a school teacher and keep myself engaged with my child.”
“(a painful sigh) How all these happened? Still I am in shock.”
“(a deep breath, gentle shaking of head) All my doomed fate. No one to blame.”
“Hey, do you remember the night?”
“Which one?”
“Seven years ago, same time, this bed. You and him. You were feeding him like your child.”
“(faint smile) I have not forgotten a single second of those seven months. Even now when I close my eyes, I see that he is standing with his arms stretched, beckoning me.”
“Do you want to have the diary back?”
“(exclaimed shriek) You have that still with you?”
“How can I destroy? You told me to give that to him, but he never came?”
“What?”
“Yes, he never came to take that back.”
“(anxious voice) He called you? What did he asked? How is he? Where is he? Is he in Delhi or again he has left India? Did he cried? What was his reaction after you told him about me? I want to know everything? (sobs …… )”
“Wait, wait, wait, (a little pause) Yes, he called.”
“And then…… What did he said?”
“He called at night. It was very cold that day. Pupu and … Oh sorry! Papri was sleeping by my side. Dipankar answered the phone. He asked me to speak to him. He sounded very happy that he returned to India. He asked about his Grand Aunt, Maithili and Subroto. He asked about us. I told him that Pubali was born to me. He was almost in tears on hearing about my baby. Then I told her about Parvati Boudi and his Grand Aunt. He was shocked; he was shaken. He sobbed on the phone.”
“He did not ask about me?”
“He kept that query to be asked at last, as he knew from his heart…...”
“(Voice trembled, chest shook, sight hazy) what he knew…”
“You know very well what he knew.”
“What he asked and what did you say? What he did after that?”
“(a deep breath) He lamented that he was unable to support you during those dire times. I told him that Maithili had new telephone connection. He asked her telephone number. He said that he would talk to her and ask for her forgiveness from the abyss of his heart. He would do anything for her and Subroto…”
“And, then …. When did he ask about me?”
“Yes, after that he asked about you… He sounded so confident, that I lost my voice to answer him. He said that you might be teaching somewhere. You might have become more beautiful and elegant as a teacher. He joked that your students and fellow colleagues might have passed comments on your dimples.”
“(surprised voice) really, he said so…..”
“He asked whether you were still living at his home or your native place. That question was the toughest question of my entire lifetime. He was babbling like a child and I was sobbing on the other end. He heard my sobs. I could not make what was going inside him. All the energy of his voice, died all of a sudden. He asked me whether something bad has happened to you or not. I said no, I said you were fine.”
“Then…..”
“He fathomed everything from my sobs and when I said you were doing well. He asked me whether you received his letters or not. I said him, that you received his thirty-second letter only, rest were burnt to ashes by his parents. He hissed and cursed his parents. He apprehended that you were married off. He only said a single sentence before keeping the phone.”
“What….”
“He will not interfere in anyone’s life. Nor his parents neither yours. He sounded very cold.”
“He never asked you, how was I or where was my in-laws house?”
“No. Do you think, those answers were meaningful to him?”
“Not even, out of curiosity? Did he call after that day?”
“No, he never called me after that day. But for once he called Maithili.”
“Did he leave his contact number with you?”
“No, he called on my landline so I was also unable to detect his contact number.”
(an endless silence in the room, only the sound of heart thumping inside the chest could be heard along with sweet babbles of Papri.)
“Can you give me that packet back?”
“Sure take this.”
“You know, this Laughing-Buddha, he presented me at Nako during my first trip. Then I had nothing to give him, so I pierced my index finger with his blade and he sucked me finger. A tiny drop of my blood was my present to him. He was in tears, so was I. I stole this diary on the last night, just to read what he wrote about me. I could not return to him.”
“(a deep sigh came out of chest) He is again lost.”
“My fate, every time he tries to come near, somehow he goes far away from me. I don’t want to separate that name from me.”
“Means…”
“This optics notebook, I will keep with me all time. I will name my son, so that I can call that name anytime and every time. (Voice was choked) I don’t want to separate anything of him from me.”
“(a gentle smile) How do you know that you will give birth to a son?”
“Oh! Come on just like that, but I feel from the depth of my heart that I will bear a son.”
“But it is very hard to lead a life alone with a child.”
“(A deep sigh) Not hard as my past years, so I will manage.”
“(A sweet babble) Maaammaaaaa banana …… mammmaaaa banana ”
“(a hearty laugh) She talks too much, how sweet. I am taking her with me. She will stay with me tonight.”
“Ok, but if she cries at night it is up to you how to keep her quiet.”
“Ah! Come on she can sleep with me, no problem.”
“She will ask about her mother at night, and then you will understand. She will keep you awake till middle of the night.”
“(hearty laugh) Already Titli does not let anyone sleep peacefully. These children, who born during daytime; keeps awake during night. What type of logic is this, can’t understand?”
“Yes, both of the girls were born in day time.”
“By the way, how are you doing this time?”
“Fine. Expected is first week of August. However, my doctors studied my old reports and checked me. They said that they will stitch the opening of my uterus in eighth month so that no more mishaps.”
“Take care this time.”
“Yes.”
“How is Dushtu? Is he talking to you? During your marriage, he was very quiet.”
“He is doing well, grown up, understands everything. Next year he will be in class ten. He was very close to my heart. He is very good boy. I know, he was very sad and for the next four years he did not called me for a single time.”
“How is he doing in his studies?”
“Good, he is good in maths. But he wants to study history. In that one week, Abhi stole everyone’s heart, Parvati Boudi, my mom and Dushtu.”
“And what about your ChotoMa and Babu?”
“No I am not going to contact them, after what they have done to me.”
“But, now the situation has changed. They might be lamenting also about their deed. So why not keep in contact with them?”
“No, I don’t feel so. Let the time heal, currently I am not in a state to tie strings with them.”
“(puerile voice) mammmaaaa…… chocolate…..”
“See, now she wants chocolate.”
“Ok, I am taking her with me. If she cries then I will call you at night.”
“(laugh) You will have a tough night tonight, I am sure. Titli and Papri will just pull all your hair from your head.”
“(heartily laugh) Taking some cues about my future situation.”
“You will be able to return alone to your house? Shall I call Dushtu?”
“Probably he has not returned from his school till now. I will be ok.”
“Your new nickname is so sweet. Papri. Ok take care, and if you need me at night just give a call.”
I was again happy, to get my life back. Maithili took utmost care to heal my scars. But those scars were so deep that I used to find hard to sleep during night. I used to sleep alone in my room. His thoughts used to keep me engaged for most of the nights. I used smear a faint smile every time he came in front of my open eyes.
I returned along with Papri (Pubali, daughter of Kalyani) to my house. All the way, she was babbling like a naughty girl. She was scratching my cheeks and head. I enjoyed those sweet soft touches. I was laughing at her. Maithili laughed at me on seeing Papri on my lap.
---“So, you are praticising how to keep your sleep at bay.”
I laughed at her---“Titli keeps my sleep away for most of the time.”
---“Don’t say that, she do not sleep with you.”
---“Ahh… I hear her cries and how could I sleep when my sweet niece is crying.”
She looked at the packet in my hand---“You have brought those? Why? I thought you might want to forget all those?”
I shook my head and smiled at her---“That is the most beautiful thing I got in my life. How can I forget those days and times.” I paused for a little---“He called you but you never spoke to me.
Book 3: Rise from ashes. Chapter 1: Optics Notebook
“Pupu what are you doing? Do not go there. You are becoming naughty day by day.”
“What type of name is this, Pupu?”
“You gave her the name, Pubali, and this is just a nick name.”
“No, this can’t be a nick name for such a sweet doll.”
“Then what to call?”
“I will call her as Papri.”
“Hmmmmm……. That is a sweet name. How you get those names from that brain.”
“(Faint smile) She is such a cute doll. It is her time to play and run.”
“It reminds me of our old days.”
“(hearty laugh) don’t tell me that you remember those days when you were three years old.”
“How is all going?”
“(after a small pause) Till now ok. But I have to go away.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to be a burden for my brothers.”
“Stay with me.”
“(faint painful smile) You cannot feed me and my child, life long.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I want to do some job. May be a school teacher and keep myself engaged with my child.”
“(a painful sigh) How all these happened? Still I am in shock.”
“(a deep breath, gentle shaking of head) All my doomed fate. No one to blame.”
“Hey, do you remember the night?”
“Which one?”
“Seven years ago, same time, this bed. You and him. You were feeding him like your child.”
“(faint smile) I have not forgotten a single second of those seven months. Even now when I close my eyes, I see that he is standing with his arms stretched, beckoning me.”
“Do you want to have the diary back?”
“(exclaimed shriek) You have that still with you?”
“How can I destroy? You told me to give that to him, but he never came?”
“What?”
“Yes, he never came to take that back.”
“(anxious voice) He called you? What did he asked? How is he? Where is he? Is he in Delhi or again he has left India? Did he cried? What was his reaction after you told him about me? I want to know everything? (sobs …… )”
“Wait, wait, wait, (a little pause) Yes, he called.”
“And then…… What did he said?”
“He called at night. It was very cold that day. Pupu and … Oh sorry! Papri was sleeping by my side. Dipankar answered the phone. He asked me to speak to him. He sounded very happy that he returned to India. He asked about his Grand Aunt, Maithili and Subroto. He asked about us. I told him that Pubali was born to me. He was almost in tears on hearing about my baby. Then I told her about Parvati Boudi and his Grand Aunt. He was shocked; he was shaken. He sobbed on the phone.”
“He did not ask about me?”
“He kept that query to be asked at last, as he knew from his heart…...”
“(Voice trembled, chest shook, sight hazy) what he knew…”
“You know very well what he knew.”
“What he asked and what did you say? What he did after that?”
“(a deep breath) He lamented that he was unable to support you during those dire times. I told him that Maithili had new telephone connection. He asked her telephone number. He said that he would talk to her and ask for her forgiveness from the abyss of his heart. He would do anything for her and Subroto…”
“And, then …. When did he ask about me?”
“Yes, after that he asked about you… He sounded so confident, that I lost my voice to answer him. He said that you might be teaching somewhere. You might have become more beautiful and elegant as a teacher. He joked that your students and fellow colleagues might have passed comments on your dimples.”
“(surprised voice) really, he said so…..”
“He asked whether you were still living at his home or your native place. That question was the toughest question of my entire lifetime. He was babbling like a child and I was sobbing on the other end. He heard my sobs. I could not make what was going inside him. All the energy of his voice, died all of a sudden. He asked me whether something bad has happened to you or not. I said no, I said you were fine.”
“Then…..”
“He fathomed everything from my sobs and when I said you were doing well. He asked me whether you received his letters or not. I said him, that you received his thirty-second letter only, rest were burnt to ashes by his parents. He hissed and cursed his parents. He apprehended that you were married off. He only said a single sentence before keeping the phone.”
“What….”
“He will not interfere in anyone’s life. Nor his parents neither yours. He sounded very cold.”
“He never asked you, how was I or where was my in-laws house?”
“No. Do you think, those answers were meaningful to him?”
“Not even, out of curiosity? Did he call after that day?”
“No, he never called me after that day. But for once he called Maithili.”
“Did he leave his contact number with you?”
“No, he called on my landline so I was also unable to detect his contact number.”
(an endless silence in the room, only the sound of heart thumping inside the chest could be heard along with sweet babbles of Papri.)
“Can you give me that packet back?”
“Sure take this.”
“You know, this Laughing-Buddha, he presented me at Nako during my first trip. Then I had nothing to give him, so I pierced my index finger with his blade and he sucked me finger. A tiny drop of my blood was my present to him. He was in tears, so was I. I stole this diary on the last night, just to read what he wrote about me. I could not return to him.”
“(a deep sigh came out of chest) He is again lost.”
“My fate, every time he tries to come near, somehow he goes far away from me. I don’t want to separate that name from me.”
“Means…”
“This optics notebook, I will keep with me all time. I will name my son, so that I can call that name anytime and every time. (Voice was choked) I don’t want to separate anything of him from me.”
“(a gentle smile) How do you know that you will give birth to a son?”
“Oh! Come on just like that, but I feel from the depth of my heart that I will bear a son.”
“But it is very hard to lead a life alone with a child.”
“(A deep sigh) Not hard as my past years, so I will manage.”
“(A sweet babble) Maaammaaaaa banana …… mammmaaaa banana ”
“(a hearty laugh) She talks too much, how sweet. I am taking her with me. She will stay with me tonight.”
“Ok, but if she cries at night it is up to you how to keep her quiet.”
“Ah! Come on she can sleep with me, no problem.”
“She will ask about her mother at night, and then you will understand. She will keep you awake till middle of the night.”
“(hearty laugh) Already Titli does not let anyone sleep peacefully. These children, who born during daytime; keeps awake during night. What type of logic is this, can’t understand?”
“Yes, both of the girls were born in day time.”
“By the way, how are you doing this time?”
“Fine. Expected is first week of August. However, my doctors studied my old reports and checked me. They said that they will stitch the opening of my uterus in eighth month so that no more mishaps.”
“Take care this time.”
“Yes.”
“How is Dushtu? Is he talking to you? During your marriage, he was very quiet.”
“He is doing well, grown up, understands everything. Next year he will be in class ten. He was very close to my heart. He is very good boy. I know, he was very sad and for the next four years he did not called me for a single time.”
“How is he doing in his studies?”
“Good, he is good in maths. But he wants to study history. In that one week, Abhi stole everyone’s heart, Parvati Boudi, my mom and Dushtu.”
“And what about your ChotoMa and Babu?”
“No I am not going to contact them, after what they have done to me.”
“But, now the situation has changed. They might be lamenting also about their deed. So why not keep in contact with them?”
“No, I don’t feel so. Let the time heal, currently I am not in a state to tie strings with them.”
“(puerile voice) mammmaaaa…… chocolate…..”
“See, now she wants chocolate.”
“Ok, I am taking her with me. If she cries then I will call you at night.”
“(laugh) You will have a tough night tonight, I am sure. Titli and Papri will just pull all your hair from your head.”
“(heartily laugh) Taking some cues about my future situation.”
“You will be able to return alone to your house? Shall I call Dushtu?”
“Probably he has not returned from his school till now. I will be ok.”
“Your new nickname is so sweet. Papri. Ok take care, and if you need me at night just give a call.”
I was again happy, to get my life back. Maithili took utmost care to heal my scars. But those scars were so deep that I used to find hard to sleep during night. I used to sleep alone in my room. His thoughts used to keep me engaged for most of the nights. I used smear a faint smile every time he came in front of my open eyes.
I returned along with Papri (Pubali, daughter of Kalyani) to my house. All the way, she was babbling like a naughty girl. She was scratching my cheeks and head. I enjoyed those sweet soft touches. I was laughing at her. Maithili laughed at me on seeing Papri on my lap.
---“So, you are praticising how to keep your sleep at bay.”
I laughed at her---“Titli keeps my sleep away for most of the time.”
---“Don’t say that, she do not sleep with you.”
---“Ahh… I hear her cries and how could I sleep when my sweet niece is crying.”
She looked at the packet in my hand---“You have brought those? Why? I thought you might want to forget all those?”
I shook my head and smiled at her---“That is the most beautiful thing I got in my life. How can I forget those days and times.” I paused for a little---“He called you but you never spoke to me.